I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize