So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
