Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
