if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
