I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
