Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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