His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
