im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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