I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize