just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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