I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize