i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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