I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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