Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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