at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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