I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
