You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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