She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
