I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
