Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
