Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
