I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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