Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
please don't ironically join a cult
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