my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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