So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
