Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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