wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
