Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
