she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
