Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
