I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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