I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is Oprah even human
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
