piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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