We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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