i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
