I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
