I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
