I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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