also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
