Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
