yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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