I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
