Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
