K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
