Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
