Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please, let me fuck your mom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
