made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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