this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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