You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
