I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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