Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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