Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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