life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
