You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
