i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
