4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
