I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
