It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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