I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
