the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize