I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
