I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
