I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
