Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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