You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
