You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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