I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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