road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
