next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize