turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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